Octomom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As expected, we had a blank ultrasound again today. Mike and I are seasoned at this so we went in with our armor on and held it together like champs! Poor Doctor Gospodnetic, I swear he was more upset than we were. Even if he was faking it, I actually felt like he was a little let-down just as much as we were over this one. Anyway, we jumped right into the "what now" questioning and I was referred to the Fertility Institute of Virginia. Fancy, huh?? As soon as the name slipped from his mouth, all I could think about was "multiple babies". I guess this is a common thought, considering that most media portrays "fertility centers" with either a guy in a small room and a cup or InVitro. And to me, IVF equals twins or more. Well, we definitely are ahead of the game because Michael A. Peebles most certainly does not need a little room with a little cup because he has nailed his part (no pun intended!) all three times! It's me that obviously needs some repairing.

 

Sooo...much like any modern, young lady who is about to allow a new man to view her girl bits, I blew up Google this afternoon in search of my new doctor. I am very pleased with everything I've read. I read many posts in forums that discussed both the doctors at this place and didn't see the first negative review; this is promising. The only so-so thing I've read is that in recurrent miscarriage cases at this center, 60% of cases found the problem. That leaves 40% of cases that didn't find out what the issue was. GAH. I need more reassuring numbers!!!! At this point, I learned a LONG time ago this entire situation is out.of.my.hands. Completely. I'm going to the specialist to see if he can identify an easily fixable problem, but I have to remain true to myself and recognize that he may not find a thing and accept that we are on our own. After the first MC, I will openly admit that I was mad at God. I was shocked initially, but the shock wore away and anger remained. I'm not proud of my anger, by any means, but I was. The second MC was even harder, but I started changing my prayer from "please let me keep this kid" to "let me follow the plan you have set for me". And that's exactly what I prayed before, during, and after this recent one. From the beginning, all I've asked was "this is all on you...help me get to where I'm supposed to be in this plan". I can honestly say I didn't have the slightest bit of anger towards God this time around because I know this is part of a bigger scheme. It's an effed up scheme, but it's all I've got to hold on to. After all, when you are struggling and find yourself asking where God is, remember that the teacher is always quiet during a test.

 

I totally stole that from Pinterest.
 

Moving on to a much more pressing matter, I have a situation. Let me give you some background information. I have a neighbor directly across the street from me. Our houses basically mirror each other (they were built from the same floor plan) but differ in colors, etc. We have wrap around front porches with white columns. The first Christmas at our house, we draped garland around our railing and column and had lighted wreaths and deer in the yard. It was very tasteful and classy, and about caused a divorce while putting it up, but that's beside the point. Anyway, this past Christmas, like not even December yet, we got home one afternoon and this bitch stole our decorations! Like totally replicated what we had done the year before. We were beyond pissed. Of course we couldn't put up ours then because we'd look like the copy-cats. It was then that we initiated: YARD WARS.

 

This brings me to now. One of the the deciding factors in our house hunting was the porch because I am a true southerner and demanded proper fern-hanging capability. Every summer, I find the biggest, bushiest ferns and they are proudly displayed from May-November. Our porch has four columns across the front, thus creating the need for three ferns for it to be symmetrically correct. It is still too early in the year to buy them, so our porch is bare. HOWEVER! We wake up Saturday and I open the front door and (GASP!) WHO has put up hanging ferns on her porch?! YES! The no-good, tacky, Christmas-decoration-stealer!!! I was livid. Never in all the summers we've been here (only two, but that's not the point) has she hung ANYTHING up except those big ole honkin' country star things. And I don't mean one, I'm talking like 3 all over the front of her house. Ugh. I immediately shut the door back and tell Mike to get up and look across the road. Because he is my husband and we are totally in sync, he said, "WHAT. She finally cut her grass?" Which was followed by, "NOOOOO BIG DUMMY! SHE JACKED OUR FERNS!!!!!!!" Which was followed by "God you are weird".

Because of all I've been dealing with lately, I've been a total home-body. This has been a good thing, however, it forces me to look across the street with every move I make. By Saturday night, I realized, wait a minute. She only has two ferns on the front and one on the side. She isn't going to put another one on the front. This makes it uneven. Oh my. My OCD can't handle this. I can handle the idea-stealing, but I don't think I can go all summer looking at this house with the missing fern. It'll drive me crazy. I mean, I made Mike take my car back to the dealership several years ago because they put my inspection sticker on my windshield crooked and I coudn't stand it. Yes, I'm a total macadamia. For three days now, I've been staring like a crazy lady at this woman's house. I can't look away. I'm trying to figure out how I can buy another fern and sneak it to her porch during the night without her hearing me. We aren't buddy-buddy, so I surely can't call her or bust up over there and casually mention how retarded it looks with the huge gaping hole. I'm at a loss.

I reckon this situation is much like my fertility issue. Nothing I can do about it, just suffer a little everyday until I'm rewarded (either with a child...or an additional fern...) God sure is quiet during this test. I just pray his OCD is as nutso as mine and he'll stop us during the test to say, "FOR MY SAKE, PLEASE ADD ANOTHER FAH-REAKING FERN TO THAT DAMN PORCH!". Either that, or I'll start praying for her green thumb to turn black.