Dangle the Carrot

Let's be real for a second. The title of this post is so inaccurate, because really, if you are anyone BUT Bugs Bunny, nobody wants a carrot for enticement. This is me we're talking about. Read on to continue under the new, moderately appropriately named title for tonight's brief story...

 

Dangle the Chocolate-Covered-Anything

 

Yesterday was Day One, Round One of my very first IVF cycle!!!!!!!! HOLLA!

 

Today is Negative Day One, Round One, though. No cycle.

 

No kidding.

 

I checked in with my doctor this morning to confirm the start day and to begin my pill regimen, only to be taken back a notch when he called me at the very end of the day to tell me we have to post-pone to next month. Wait. WHAT?!?!?!?!

 

I've been patiently waiting since JUNE for yesterday to get here. Basically, I've been waiting three YEEEAAARRRSSSS for yesterday to get here. I couldn't have been more ready for my period to start. I think I might have even burst into song when I wiped red yesterday.

 

Apparently, the embryologists that are in charge of monitoring my egg fertilization between retrieval and transfer are going to be in a conference about furthering their education on SITTING IN A CHAIR WATCHING FREAKING EGGS AND SPERM MATE IN A DISH. I mean, REALLY!

 

However, said conference is in Honolulu. In October. In Hawaii. Paradise. (For those who weren't clear about that location. I'm pretty sure tomorrow's lesson is going to go something like this:

 

**Pulls up Google Maps with aerial views of the big island on the Promethean board.**

 

"Students, direct your attention to the paradise on the screen. This is the state of Hawaii. The capital city of Hawaii is Honolulu, where, this upcoming October, several multi-millionaire embryologists from VA IVF will be "conferencing"...HA. PUHLEASE. VOMIT...while I am here, with you, with my eggs fully fertilized and anxiously awaiting to be yanked out, by the same embryologists who will probably be laying on this section of Wakiki beach."

 

**Aggressively, angrily points to the coastline**

 

I hope they sunburn. And get sand fleas. And severely underestimate the island cost of living and run out of money on day four and have to come home prematurely.

 

SIKE. Who am I kidding? If that opportunity arose for me, I'd already be at the airport (a month early) in a fake floral lei and a grass skirt sippin' on a mai tai with a Dole Plantation Pineapple straight from the Hawaiian heartland to set the mood. It just royally bites the big one that men can't schedule worth a damn. You KNOW they knew about this trip. Why couldn't they have helped a sistah out and let her know??

 

My doctor thought I was joking when I told him after he apologized profusely that the only way they could make it up to me was to take Mike and I with them. I mean, you promise me a kid, (dangle the carrot), then tell me I have to wait ANOTHER month for it. He was like, "You're so young still, you're healthy, this is going to work. It's not like your ovaries are deteriorating"....This is where I'm like, "HOLD ON, BRO-THA! My tubes already DID deteriorate, let's not even PLAY about anything else doing the same". He was chuckling at my suggestion to take us while I wasn't saying a word. He heard crickets. I heard the roar of anger in my ears.

 

I could have gotten really attitudal with him, but I kept myself in check. My throat was doing that clogged-up weird thing right before you cry, so I really missed what he was saying the last thirty seconds of our conversation. It was a bunch of his "I've worked this a thousand different times, but I just can't get the timing to work on our side. I'm so sorry" along with a bunch of my "uh-huhs".

 

So we have been let down. AGAIN. So we are waiting. AGAIN. It's no use in even being upset at this point because finally, this time wasn't my fault.! It just wasn't meant to be. I'm all about signs, as you know, and having this procedure done in the same month exactly three years after my first miscarriage is pretty meaningful.

 

It's just a month. It's just a month. We've waited this long to get the show on the road so what's another few weeks. Except, saying that out loud is much easier to do than actually meaning it. The yarn has been extended and the carrot is out of reach for a little bit longer. I'll keep my tunnel vision on, because thank God, THANK GOD! at least we are still working in the produce section.