Luke, I am your father.

Today was the first day back to work for teachers and I'll go ahead and save you from hearing me moan and groan about it paragraph after paragraph by wrapping it up with one short phrase: O.M.G.

Most would think being a lazy, overeating, oversleeping, procrastinator would reach sort of a limit after a few years but I'm hear to tell you, this lazy, overeating, oversleeping, procrastinator goes above and beyond to earn that description when you give her several weeks off with no set goals to accomplish. I mean, is it wrong of me to think it's WAY too much of a task that my supervisors expect me to get up before 10am? Or expect me to wear actual make-up? Or expect me to wear a bra? Because I'm pretty sure none of the three things I just listed happened to me simultaneously since June 8th. But I did get up before 10:00 today and I did wear full-blown make-up and I did wear a bra...even though it was my flimsiest one and was a baby-step up from what an average 11-year-old girl would wear.

Aside from the excitement of a new year starting (because I'm positive somebody out there is oozing excitement, just not me. Not yet, anyway.) it was nice to see all the people I work with. I can't say it at school because it would be inappropriate, but we are the shit, in case you didn't already know. Convocation, is when alllllllll the teachers in one county get together and...do stuff. Listen, I said I got up before 10:00 but I didn't say I was alert. Anyway, there were hundreds of thousands of people (or something like that) at our building today and I'd estimate that I saw about 100 pregnant women. While at the beach this summer in every restaurant we went to, I'm pretty sure every third random woman we saw was pregnant. And they all had like 4 small kids running around them and they looked exhausted and we almost decided to check into a clinic so I could go back on birth control. I also have to be grateful that God knew what he was doing this past miscarriage because I'm Captain Cranky Pants when I'm hot and GEEZ, LOUISE--I could NOT handle being pregnant during the summer. Well, I could probably handle it but for the sake and well-being of my peers, be thankful I'm not.

 

Our doctor's set goal for us was to be pregnant by September 1. I have about 10 more days left in this cycle to find out if I am or not. If not, we go back to the fertility clinic for whatever the next step is. I turn 28 in September and while I still consider that young, my other half is 10 years older than me...so his biological clock is ticking, hehehe. If you are a religious person, I'd appreciate all prayers for a SUCCESSFUL pregnancy beginning in late September (so I'll have all next summer to whatever it is you do with newborns) and if you could add in "a GIRL, with Kristin's hair, Mike's brain's, and let Mike allow Kristin to pick the name so they don't have a kid with the name LUCAS strictly so the first words their child hears is not 'LUKE, I AM YOUR FATHER'"...that'd be fabulous. Thank you in advance.

 

Have you ever had a particular food item that you were obsessed with that abruptly stopped being produced and went away from every store you had access to? I grew up with a fire chief daddy who worked 24 on, 24 off. This meant that many times, Mama would make stuff quick and easy for supper when Daddy was working. One of the things I grew up living off of was Armour Beef Stew. It was a short, fat, little can of stew on the bottom shelf of the 'soup aisle' and it was pretty much my favorite. For whatever reason, when I was in high school, it suddenly stopped showing up in stores. Over the course of a few weeks, I talked to store managers and they suggested I contact the company because if it wasn't in demand, they would stock the stores. One phone call and one sternly written letter later...Armour Beef Stew was back and I've NE-VER had a problem finding it since.

 

It's no secret that chips are my Achilles heel. If I could pick one food to live off of for the rest of my life, I'd pick chips. But not just ANY chip...Lay's Tangy Carolina BBQ. Hello, My Name Is Kristin and I am OBSESSED with Lay's Tangy Carolina BBQ chips. The past few years, the only thing I looked forward to when I got off work was coming home and snacking on TCB's. That is, up until a few months ago I decided to go cold-turkey from my addiction for about a month. You all know how the duration of my diets go, so about a month after that, I went to the store to get a bag. Huh. They were out. I went across town to the other store. HUH. They were out too. I went to Wal-Mart. OH HELL NO, WHERE ARE MY CHIPS?! It has been since May and I can NOT find a single bag of these things anywhere. I have been to every grocery store, every sketchy convenience store, and every supercenter from here to the bottom of the Outer Banks searching for this one type. I can't find them ANYWHERE! I was finally patient enough to ask a grocery store manager a few weeks ago and he didn't know anything about it. Which leads me to my almost-arrest attack and assault situation from this past weekend.

 

I went to Food Lion and noticed a Frito Lay truck in the parking lot. The rest of my list of actual needed groceries forgotten, I high-tailed it across the parking lot to the truck. No driver. I went in the store, (and be very thankful that no small children or elderly persons was harmed in the process), and jogged across the aisles in search of a guy in a Frito Lay shirt that would be my saving grace. I made it to the milk aisle at the end of the store and turned around, only to catch the tail-end of a guy toting a Sun Chips box on his shoulder going towards the exit. I flew--I literally do not recall my feet touching the floor--to the doors and back out into the parking lot. How the police were not called by the employees is beyond me. I bustled over to the truck, but no guy!! I'm starting to sweat by this point. I scoured the parking lot and think to myself, "Ain't no way in hell am I letting this man leave without some answers". He must've gone back in the store because I've circled the truck but no sight of the man. I headed BACK in again and low and behold, the guy was standing in front of a chip display with a huge box on his shoulders. Not thinking, I immediately rushed to him and managed to get out an "EXCUSE ME!" I must've ignored all socially acceptable 'personal space' rules because he jumped and the box of chips shook. Luckily, he saved the contents and turned towards me, with a not-too-pleasant glare. I said, word-for-word, "I have been looking for my favorite chips in the whole world, Tangy Carolina BBQ, and I haven't been able to find them. Can you PAH-LEESE tell me they haven't been discontinued? I will KISS YOUR FACE if you can get them back here for me!" And yes, this was rushed because I couldn't breathe and more importantly, it was said OUT LOUD.

 

In a nutshell, homeboy recovered from his crazy-lady attack and promised to work hard for said kiss on the face. He doesn't think they stopped making them, just stopped production for our area, yada yada yada. He is taking my complaint to whoever will listen to him because they were, get this, HIS favorite too. If your world has been off-kilter because of the absence of these chips like mine has been, have no fear. I won't go down without a fight, Frito Lay. Just call a little ol' company called "Armour" and drop my name...I expect I'll have my chips and all will be right with the world in the very near future.