Octomom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As expected, we had a blank ultrasound again today. Mike and I are seasoned at this so we went in with our armor on and held it together like champs! Poor Doctor Gospodnetic, I swear he was more upset than we were. Even if he was faking it, I actually felt like he was a little let-down just as much as we were over this one. Anyway, we jumped right into the "what now" questioning and I was referred to the Fertility Institute of Virginia. Fancy, huh?? As soon as the name slipped from his mouth, all I could think about was "multiple babies". I guess this is a common thought, considering that most media portrays "fertility centers" with either a guy in a small room and a cup or InVitro. And to me, IVF equals twins or more. Well, we definitely are ahead of the game because Michael A. Peebles most certainly does not need a little room with a little cup because he has nailed his part (no pun intended!) all three times! It's me that obviously needs some repairing.

 

Sooo...much like any modern, young lady who is about to allow a new man to view her girl bits, I blew up Google this afternoon in search of my new doctor. I am very pleased with everything I've read. I read many posts in forums that discussed both the doctors at this place and didn't see the first negative review; this is promising. The only so-so thing I've read is that in recurrent miscarriage cases at this center, 60% of cases found the problem. That leaves 40% of cases that didn't find out what the issue was. GAH. I need more reassuring numbers!!!! At this point, I learned a LONG time ago this entire situation is out.of.my.hands. Completely. I'm going to the specialist to see if he can identify an easily fixable problem, but I have to remain true to myself and recognize that he may not find a thing and accept that we are on our own. After the first MC, I will openly admit that I was mad at God. I was shocked initially, but the shock wore away and anger remained. I'm not proud of my anger, by any means, but I was. The second MC was even harder, but I started changing my prayer from "please let me keep this kid" to "let me follow the plan you have set for me". And that's exactly what I prayed before, during, and after this recent one. From the beginning, all I've asked was "this is all on you...help me get to where I'm supposed to be in this plan". I can honestly say I didn't have the slightest bit of anger towards God this time around because I know this is part of a bigger scheme. It's an effed up scheme, but it's all I've got to hold on to. After all, when you are struggling and find yourself asking where God is, remember that the teacher is always quiet during a test.

 

I totally stole that from Pinterest.
 

Moving on to a much more pressing matter, I have a situation. Let me give you some background information. I have a neighbor directly across the street from me. Our houses basically mirror each other (they were built from the same floor plan) but differ in colors, etc. We have wrap around front porches with white columns. The first Christmas at our house, we draped garland around our railing and column and had lighted wreaths and deer in the yard. It was very tasteful and classy, and about caused a divorce while putting it up, but that's beside the point. Anyway, this past Christmas, like not even December yet, we got home one afternoon and this bitch stole our decorations! Like totally replicated what we had done the year before. We were beyond pissed. Of course we couldn't put up ours then because we'd look like the copy-cats. It was then that we initiated: YARD WARS.

 

This brings me to now. One of the the deciding factors in our house hunting was the porch because I am a true southerner and demanded proper fern-hanging capability. Every summer, I find the biggest, bushiest ferns and they are proudly displayed from May-November. Our porch has four columns across the front, thus creating the need for three ferns for it to be symmetrically correct. It is still too early in the year to buy them, so our porch is bare. HOWEVER! We wake up Saturday and I open the front door and (GASP!) WHO has put up hanging ferns on her porch?! YES! The no-good, tacky, Christmas-decoration-stealer!!! I was livid. Never in all the summers we've been here (only two, but that's not the point) has she hung ANYTHING up except those big ole honkin' country star things. And I don't mean one, I'm talking like 3 all over the front of her house. Ugh. I immediately shut the door back and tell Mike to get up and look across the road. Because he is my husband and we are totally in sync, he said, "WHAT. She finally cut her grass?" Which was followed by, "NOOOOO BIG DUMMY! SHE JACKED OUR FERNS!!!!!!!" Which was followed by "God you are weird".

Because of all I've been dealing with lately, I've been a total home-body. This has been a good thing, however, it forces me to look across the street with every move I make. By Saturday night, I realized, wait a minute. She only has two ferns on the front and one on the side. She isn't going to put another one on the front. This makes it uneven. Oh my. My OCD can't handle this. I can handle the idea-stealing, but I don't think I can go all summer looking at this house with the missing fern. It'll drive me crazy. I mean, I made Mike take my car back to the dealership several years ago because they put my inspection sticker on my windshield crooked and I coudn't stand it. Yes, I'm a total macadamia. For three days now, I've been staring like a crazy lady at this woman's house. I can't look away. I'm trying to figure out how I can buy another fern and sneak it to her porch during the night without her hearing me. We aren't buddy-buddy, so I surely can't call her or bust up over there and casually mention how retarded it looks with the huge gaping hole. I'm at a loss.

I reckon this situation is much like my fertility issue. Nothing I can do about it, just suffer a little everyday until I'm rewarded (either with a child...or an additional fern...) God sure is quiet during this test. I just pray his OCD is as nutso as mine and he'll stop us during the test to say, "FOR MY SAKE, PLEASE ADD ANOTHER FAH-REAKING FERN TO THAT DAMN PORCH!". Either that, or I'll start praying for her green thumb to turn black.

"3rd time's a charm..."

...is total bullshit. Two weeks ago, I was having a total meltdown because I thought, finally, luck just happened to be on my side. What I knew at the time was this: I conceived on the 13th of the 3rd month of the year and it was my 3rd pregnancy. What I didn't know at the time was that was the beginning of my 3rd miscarriage.

 

On Easter Sunday, I had a saving moment during church. If you know me, or even if you know me through this blog, you know that I'm not an overly religious person. I'm not a perfect Christian and I sure as heck don't try to sell myself as one. However, two weeks ago during chruch I was a crying, weepy lunatic because God was speaking directly to me through my hunky, Korean-model preacher. I had taken a pregnancy test the Thursday night before that Sunday and I was feeling totally beside myself with worry. The sermon was called, "I Die Everyday". I have memorized part of this sermon because when I heard it for the first time, a calmness I can't explain took me over. Rev. Cho said "in life we die everyday, just a little, however, the immense joy from the gift we will find after the suffering will be totally worth the sacrifice of dying". Having had two miscarriages before, these words could not have come at a better time for me. The past two weeks have been an utter emotional rollercoaster. It has not been fun. It has not been pleasant. I have surely died a little every day since seeing that positive test. The best way to explain this insane situation is to break it down in a timeline.

 

December- Was told by Dr. G that if I wasn't pregnant by March, come back in.

March 1-21- Doubtful that I'd conceived. Didn't do the deed on the right days.

March 21 (thu)-Boobs were crazy, achingly sore. Took a test=negative.

March 28 (thu)-Period 2 days late, took a test=postive. I may be a procrastinator, but I get the job done on the required due date ;)

April 1 (mon)-Retest=positive

April 4 (thu)-First ultrasound. Too early to see anything. Postive urine. Positive blood. HCG 750.

April 6 (sat)-Woke up and peed. Wiped bright red blood, no cramps or pain. Had an almost hysterical meltdown.

April 7 (sun)-No blood all day. Called doc. Said to come in Monday for another blood test.

April 8 (mon)- Started bleeding bright red all day. On the way to the doc, started having intense cramping. Knew I was miscarrying; I'm a professional, I would know.

Got to the doc, they took blood. Sitting on table buck naked, bending over in major pain waiting for the doc, I passed a huge amount of gross blood. So embarrassing. Doc comes in. I apologize for making a total mess, explain that I know its happening. He sticks the thing in, and says, "well, you're still pregnant!" I had my head turned away from the screen because frankly, at this point, this was my 5th ultrasound ever and I didn't want to see a blank screen again...but when I looked, there it was. A 50 cent piece sized blob on the screen that had tripled in size since my visit 4 days before. Talk about a miracle! Doc said what I passed was probably a blood clot. All looked good.

April 9 (tue)- Doc called to tell me my bloodwork came back. Said my levels had only increased to 950, which wasn't as high as they should have been. He predicted I'd miscarry in the next few days.

April 9-11-Read every article ever written on threatened miscarriage, bleeding during early pregnancy, vanishing twins, etc. Convinced myself there was still hope because even though I had cramps and bled heavily that one day, I still saw the baby on the screen which means it's still in there. Only spotted off and on these 2 days.

Today, 7:00am-4:00pm-Woke up with period-like cramps (which for me is equals PAIN and no relief, considering I'm only taking regular strength Tylenol for pain, just in case...) Bleeding ALL day (pretty heavily). Gave up any hope that what I saw on the screen on Monday is still there.

4:00pm-Took 5 Ibuprofens (sp?)  and had a tall sweet tea. Probably killed whatever was left inside, if there was anything.

Right now-Lingering cramps, still bleeding. And just plain ANGRY.

 

I have to go back Monday for an ultrasound to make sure all is out and everything looks normal. I have cried and bled everyday since taking that first test. I'm done. I'm SICK of feeling this way. And I'm pale. Like, vampire-ishly pale. It's not healthy. The worst part is, I've read a thousand and two real-life stories from other blogs and community chats and with a newly identified diagnosis of "recurrent miscarriage", there isn't a good chance of them finding out what is wrong with me. Every time I haven't made it past 6 six weeks. There has GOT to be some way for them to test and find out what the deal is. I couldn't be more of a perfect model of a pregnant person when I'm pregnant so I know it has nothing to do with what I'm doing on the outside. Something on the inside has to be fixed and it has to be done before I try again because neither Mike nor I can take this again, I promise you. We die everyday; in the sense that we have suffered everyday with this situation since the first test. We've suffered with worry. (And to the people who told me, "don't worry about it, don't think about miscarrying" obviously have never had two in a row before because that's like being on a diet and watching the molten lava cake sundae from Sonic commercial in slow motion. You are GOING to think about it every second. It's inevitable.) We've suffered every time I've gone to the bathroom. We've suffered with every blank ultrasound screen. We've suffered with every kid I teach whose parents could give a shit less about them yet are unmarried, dirt poor, on drugs, or just generally bad people who had perfectly normal pregnancies and popped out a kid with no issues whatsover. We've suffered with every kid Mike has had to watch being taken away from their crack-head, on-welfare parents who were able to have multiple children while we go through this pain time after time after time. It's not right! We die everyday.

 

Yet while we die a little every day, there will be joy that is ultimately worth all this suffering we've both endured. That is the only thing we both have to hang onto. We may not be the best people in the world. We sure as hell aren't rich. But we have a bond between us that is bigger than any of this. If we don't have a child, the world won't come to an end. We are perfectly content the way we are. It's a huge pill to swallow, because the world would be a little less awesome without the fruit of my loins walking the planet, but it'll be okay. This has been just another battle lost on our part. After I get past the blank screen I'm sure we will see on Monday, we are going balls-to-the-wall with questioning, testing, researching, and studying. There will be a way. I know it. I FEEL it! I knew there was no chance of a pregnancy in March, yet by the grace of God and the postive vibes from people who have had our backs since the first pregnancy test I took on October 23, 2011, it happened. I can't get on Facebook right now because if I see a pregnancy announcement I may actually spontaneously combust on site, yet I wanted to share the latest with my readers. You all have gone above and beyond with your emails, comments, and shared experiences. I have told more than one person that I would NOT be able to go through each and every one of these times without each and every one of you. We may die everyday, but we're still here. And we aren't going down without a fight.

 

Big Ben, Parliament

Y'ALL!!! I can't even begin to express how overwhelmed I'm feeling right now! I just logged into my blog and about peed my pants when I saw the statistics. For those of you blog-illiterates, blogger.com keeps stats of your blog views from every post you...post. It breaks down the numbers daily so you can see how many people are viewing your posts and even gives you fancy-smancy colored charts and graphs for you math people to analyze your data. When I was a fresh blog virgin back in 2010, none of this interested me. However, with real-life book/publishing ideas floating in my head, I've been keeping track. Basically, the more people that follow me or read my posts, the better. This way, maybe people will actually PAY to read what I write. Well, I posted on Tuesday night and my data says that I have just about DOUBLED my viewing from my last post--and that's almost in less than 48 hours! My numbers are steadily increasing, which makes me giddy :) (Unless my numbers are just from the same person stalking my page over and over and over again. Which is totally a possibility. Because I'm completely guilty of creeper-stalking pages and running the viewing numbers up. My apologies to Taylor Kinney's Google Image search result page)  I can't thank each of you enough for your support, encouragement, and most importantly, your stories that you've shared with me about your own similar experiences. This tiny seed started as therapy for me and it has grown into a full-blown, blossoming flower! I'm truly appreciative of ALL of you! From the bottom of my heart!

 

While I've got you here, I have a story that I must share! Tomorrow is field trip day for my class! Whenever 'field trip' comes into talks, my thoughts immediately go as follows:

 

#1. OMG I'm going to be semi-bus pukey all day.

#2. Ugh. I hate taking 20 other people's kids into public. We all know I'm not responsible--i.e. Redskins tickets. (For those of you who do not know of this story, you will. Eventually.)

And #3. My mind travels to every school trip I ever went on.

 

Which leads me to this jewel of a story that convinced me of real-life soul mates.

 

In 9th (Or 10th--my mind is foggy about this detail) grade, we traveled on charter buses to Washington D.C. for the hundredth time to view stuff no self-respecting 15 year-old gave a shit about. At this point in time, I was recognizing that I had evolved into the "girl who was always the guy's best friend, not girlfriend". All my best friends were boys and had been since pre-pre-K. This was getting old. Especially to a hopeless romantic like myself who spent weekends watching movies like Pretty in Pink and Grease II and secretly prayed that I'd find my soul-mate in high school and yada yada yada. I decided that I had a crush on one of my BFFs. However, our science teacher brought her dang daughter with us on the trip (she went to another school but her mom taught at ours) and guess who fell all over her with her stupid, super cute, orangey-dyed hair. My crush. I'd started out sitting right in front of them on the bus but on the way from one stupid museum to the next, we'd gotten scrambled together. I was sitting mid-bus and THEY were in a little group in the back. MY friends (the boys) and HER friends. Oh yes, she brought back-up. And they were the cheer-leading, stereotypical, dumb blonde types that make you want to hurl. We were in the middle of downtown D.C. and all I could hear was "hahahaha stop it! hahahaha you're so funny! hahahaha!" and other sorts of flirty, teenage nonsense. I was seething with anger. I refused to take a glance behind me because I could have vomited all over the scene. I was completely forgotten and totally self-conscious that I had on jeans and tennis shoes while those bitches had on cute, open-toed, high-heeled sandals. I mean really? We were touring WASHINGTON FREAKING D.C. And it was RAINING! I had the window seat and noticed that our bus was in a roundabout...for a second time. I could hear the bus driver talking loudly on the radio and noticed that the teachers were all aflutter, in the midst of all the ha-freaking-larious comedy coming from the kissy-kissy lovefest that had developed in the back of the bus.

 

As we passed the same street sign pointing to the Holocaust Museum a third time, I perked up. I realized that our driver had either no idea where he was going or we were stuck. In a roundabout. In Washington D.C. On a charter bus. In that instance, all I could think of was Chevy Chase in European Vacation when he was stuck in the roundabout in London. A classic. I knew my guy friends would appreciate a Chevy comment so I sat up, turned in my seat and said, "Hey y'all! 'BIG BEN, PARLIAMENT'!" One of the enemy girls said, "what did she say?" and started giggling like she'd heard the word "penis" or something. My crush was too enthralled with the face of HER that he didn't even realize I was 3 seats ahead of him, turned around, and all but hanging myself over the back of my seat. One of our douchebag friends said, "WHAT?" and looked at me disgustingly, so I said, "We're stuck in a roundabout. You know, 'BIG BEN? PARLIAMENT'?"

 

I can still hear the crickets chirping and the see the blank stares to this day. Unappreciative tools.

 

Anyway, I turned back into my seat and stared out the window. I remember thinking, "Is this it for me? Will I always be the girl by herself who says stuff at inappropriate times that nobody gets?" We were literally stuck in that roundabout for 20 minutes or so, unbeknownst to the Breakfast Club in the back. (Sidenote: Unbeknownst is a kick-ass word. We should use it more often in everyday language.) As of today, my "crush" and our science teacher's daughter are STILL together! I quickly got over what I thought was 'more-than-friends' feelings and accepted that I would forever be the girl that had guy best friends instead of girls. It probably had to do with the fact that I flippin' LOVE my science teacher's daughter now and find it ridiculous to have even had a negative thought about her in my head.

 

Now to the actual point of this story. Fast forward 8 years. Mike and I were on our honeymoon at Clearwater Beach, Florida. In the middle of the little town, there is a roundabout. On our way to our hotel, traffic was backed up because of the Friday afternoon commute. We were both quiet in my little Honda Civic as we'd been stuck in it for a thousand hours and were ill of traffic. While we inched our way around the roundabout, Mike opens the windows, turns down the radio, and says loudly, "BIG BEN, PARLIAMENT!"

 

I stared out the window, in complete shock. But with a grin on my face for my 15 year-old self.

 

 

 

 



Book list!

For those of you who don't know, I am a total geek when it comes to books. I have read an embarrasing amount of books since acquiring my Kindle at Christmas and there's no telling how many I've read in the past year. I have a library upstairs. A. LIBRARY. I love to write and I think that is a direct link to my love of reading. I come from a long line of readers. My grandma, mom, and aunt have always been hard-core readers. I like to think this is a fabulous gene that's been passed to me! While many of you have asked and given me encouraging words, I am pleased to announce that I am working on a BOOK (gasp!) to be PUBLISHED (gasp!) hopefully by the end of summer. I started it several years ago after a long, crappy relationship and I have to get the story out of my head! My plan is to finish it during my spring break and have it published by August. My first book will be fiction and of the genre found below in the list of books that I've posted. I have an idea for a humourous, non-fiction that keeps bouncing around in my brain that I know will want to escape, pending on the first one. This is a very exciting process--bear with me through it! My ultimate goal is to be successful enough for this to be a full-time job, however, I'm realistic and know this may not happen for years to come!

Below, please find a list of books that I LOVE since their release over the past year. The genre isn't for everyone, so please be aware they are mostly NA (New adult) romance. **These are just a few of my favorites, in no particular order!

1. Beautiful Disaster-Jamie McGuire
2. Thoughtless-S.C. Stephens
3. Effortless-S.C. Stephens
4. Reckless-S.C. Stephens
5. The Opportunist-Tarryn Fisher
6. Dirty Red-Tarryn Fisher
7. Hopeless-Colleen Hoover
8. While It Lasts-Abbi Glines
9. Avoiding Commitment-K.A. Linde
10. Avoiding Responsibility-K.A. Linde
11. The Edge of Never-J.A. Redmerski
12. The Coincidence of Callie & Kayden-Jessica Sorenson
13. The Secret of Ella & Micha-Jessica Sorenson
14. The Perfect Game-J. Sterling
15. Clash-Nicole Williams
16. Crash-Nicole Williams
17. Ten Tiny Breaths-K.A. Tucker
18. Motorcycle Man-Kristen Ashley
19. This Man-Jodi Ellen Malpas
20. Beneath This Man-Jodi Ellen Malpas
21. Collide-Gail Hugh
22. Through Smoke-J.R. Tate
23. Rush-Maya Banks
24. Find You in the Dark-A. Meredith Walters
25. The Vincent Boys-Abbi Glines
26. Up In Flames-Nicole Williams
27. Fallen Too Far-Abbi Glines
28. Never Too Far-Abbi Glines
29. The Boy Who Sneaks In My Bedroom Window-Kirsty Moseley
30. Rock Me-Cherrie Lynn

**My FAVORITE 2 books of all time:
1. It Had to Be You-Susan Elizabeth Phillips
2. This Heart of Mine-Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Egg Whites

Holy procrastination, it's March!! Surprisingly (or not so surprising, if you know me ;), it's been 2 months since my last post. This is not for a lack of wanting to, mind you. I've been in the same situation in the last few weeks--either hog-crazy or bummed out with anxiousness. Yes, I just said "hog crazy". No, I do not know where that came from or what it means.

To catch you up and to get all up in yo face with TMI, I've had 2 spectacularly normal periods since December. As soon as my next period starts, I have to call the doc and schedule an appointment for re-evaluation. This will include him analyzing my temperature charts and sex/ovulation schedules. Since I am a seasoned expert in both of these things, I could easily give any OB-GYN a run for his or her money. However, I do have some complaints for the person who invented, created, or just imagined up these truly craptastic inventions or "conception theories". First, basal temperature charting is ridiculous and a complete a waste of time for the not-so math inclined. My charts look like the veins in the legs of my old music teacher from elementary school. If you had Mrs. Gee, YOU KNOW. You KNOW! There is no consistency. One n-th degree change makes my chart look like a map for the floor of the ocean with its hills, trenches, and flat plains. On top of that, the "jump" you are supposed to wait for happens only AFTER ovulation has occured!!! OMG. I need an inner GPS voice that tells me throughout the day in a crisp, clear British voice: "Ovulation occuring" or "Have sex in 1.5 to 24 hours" I'll even take a "Recalculating"--anything to be more clear than what I've been dealing with.

The method that has been the most accurate for me is mucus testing. (BEWARE-This is the "all up in yo face TMI" I was speaking of). Most community posts that I've been stalking since my first mc say that as soon as you see "clear, egg-white discharge", it's GO-TIME. Unfortunately, sometimes you can't get a clear check of this when you wipe, so I've been having to get really creative while taking a potty break. Hence, the old-fashioned, 'stick your finger up there' version. Oh yes. This is happening, people. Let me give you a little background information on me and situations such as this.

In 2005 after my ovarian cyst removal, I become horrendously nauseous from the pain pills. The only way they could stop the nausea is...you guessed it...stick one of those things up your rear. After the initial immature laughter that occured after my Daddy brought home the whatever it is called from the drug store, I escaped to the bathroom to...insert. I couldn't bend over because of my cuts, so I had to awkwardly cock my leg up on the bathroom counter and hold a cosmetic mirror under the cookah area to figure out where to place it. Because I can't do anything seriously, this lasted all of 30 seconds. Mama and Mammaw were outside the bathroom door. Mama and I had the giggles, so nothing was getting accomplished. Finally, Mammaw said "ALRIGHT. I'll do it." And into the bathroom we went. Let me tell you, you never fully appreciate somebody until they are (voluntarily) face-to-face, shoving a piece of medicine up your 20 year old behind all in the name of making you feel better. And yes, I am still giggling over this 7 years later, yet it is a forbidden conversation with Mammaw.

I'm unsure how I feel about going on fertility drugs. If you didn't already know, I'm a high-risk case for twins. My mom is a twin and my maternal grandmother's father had twin siblings. Mike's family has twins as well, but if my research is correct, he really doesn't count. In addition to this, the percentage of twins increased after each miscarriage. The math is something like, after 1 miscarriage, I had a 70% chance of twins the next pregnancy. After the 2nd, it went up to 80%. However, it drops after a 3rd MC. The thought of this is hella-scary. Exciting, but frightening. Hopefully, drugs won't be needed since getting pregnant isn't really an issue. I'd just like to have 1 kid before 30, if possible. My aforementioned, enema-shoving grandma stopped having periods at 35, which really puts a damper on my plan...which is currently POP ONE OUT, THEN IMMEDIATELY TAKE MY GIRLY PARTS AWAY. My plan was always 3 kids, but heck, sometimes you just gotta take what you can get in life.

When my period started last week, I crazy-ladied it and burst into tears. We were ON POINT with the sex schedule last month and even did the "stick-it and flip-it" version. (For those of you who need a visual, it means guy on top missionary, then girl flips around and throws her legs up on the head board for 20 minutes to let gravity work its wonders.) I've been handling things really well but everybody gets worn down about things over time. Most of my emotions over this whole fiasco should be channeled into pure frustration, because in reality, that's all it is. This adventure started in August of 2011 and here it is, almost 2 years later, and the Peebles' are kidless. I have a list of names and I must have a child before somebody takes one and then I won't be able to use it! For example, PEYTON! CARTER! TRIPP! Ugh. We can't use a name that's already been used. I guess it comes from being named KRISTIN. Or MIKE.

Anyway, March is hopeful. We are trying til we get it right, and damn it, it WILL get right! I haven't lost much weight and I REFUSE to be fat the the beach this year unless I'm pregnant. Then, I can be fat and lazy and have a legit reason ;)

Zumba, Jesus, & Dallas

Happy 20-13! It's the 6th of January and I hope all of you "resolutioners" have maintained your promises. I come from a long line of procrastinators, therefore I stopped making new year resolutions years ago. If I did though, mine would be something realistic, like:

 

Number One: Make an effort to pay attention when backing out of the driveway. The pole that holds wires (or something) at the end of it is tired of getting up-close-and-personal with the Jetta's rear every morning. And I'm sure the Jetta is tired of me decorting her with black streaks at least once a week.

 

Number Two: Stop hosting 'trash-can emptier' competitions with Mike. When you see the trash can needs to be emptied, go ahead and change the bag. Don't wait days upon days to see if he will change it for you. He won't. Ever.

 

Number Three: Invest in a good razor. The cheap ones you have been buying have been leaving crappy razor burn all over your legs. It is NOT an excuse to stop shaving for days so quit telling yourself that.

 

This week in science, I was teaching the different characteristics of the 5 kingdoms. My favorite teaching method is to use analogies so the lesson went a little like...

 

Me: "Even though different animals have different characteristics, we still include them in the animal kingdom. For instance, compare me and an elephant. (<------ this was the first mistake). What are some obvious different characteristics?"

 

Kid 1: "Elephants have a trunk. You don't."

 

Kid 2: "Elephants walk on 4 legs and you walk on 2."

 

Me: "Exactly. Now, what are some characteristics that we share? (<----- this was the second mistake)

 

Kid 1: "You both have eyes and ears."

 

Kid 2 (and former favorite student): "If elephants lived in South Hill, they'd probably only eat Bojangles like you do"

 

Me: "And moving right along"

 

This fabulous teaching moment occured on Thursday. I was back at Bootcamp Friday morning at 5am. Saturday, my bootcamp lady hosted a 2 hour workout. 30 minutes of Zumba, 30 minutes of step-aerobics, 30 minutes of kickboxing, and 30 minutes of abs. Zumba should come with a slogan. "Zumba: A White Girl's Nightmare" or Zumba: Embarrassing White Girls Across the Nation". There were about 25 people at the class and it was about half & half (half white girls, half black girls). Needless to say, I looked like Baby from Dirty Dancing when she first found the secret dance place at the resort. I'm talking like, no hip movement whatsoever. More like a giant fat woman trying to hula hoop with an imaginary hoop. It was awkward. It was not fun. I was an embarrassment to my race. I'll leave it at that.

 

Since I randomly decided to restart my exercise program, I also decided to bust up in church this morning. I'm not an overly religious person. If you know me, you know I'm not "Jesusy" and I have caught myself on more than one occasion making fun of those exact types of people. Thus the need to visit an actual church today. (And let me be clear, I don't make fun of Jesusy people...I make fun of fake people who want to convince the world and themselves that they are uber religious when they are anything but. You know the exact type. You have Facebook.) Anyway, if you know me, you know with my life experiences that I HAVE to believe in God. If not, I'd be locked away somewhere, I'm sure. I know that when I pray (which is every morning, usually in the shower when I'm avoiding shaving my legs) I always get my answers in signs. It's always 3 signs and it always, always happens when I am feeling upset about something. I've been feeling out of sorts lately and I finally decided that you know what, I wasn't going to wait for a sign this time, I was going to go out and look for it. So I went to church. And I got a sign. The sermon was titled "Turning Point". If that wasn't a sign, I don't know what is. I probably should have an entire post on this but I should stick to my title. On to "Dallas"...

 

I've been so freaking premenstral this week it hasn't been funny. I'm talking like, rip-roaring, full raging B!#^@. I flipped out on Mike when I got home today because he was cooking chilli in the crock-pot but left hamburger grease all over the stove. HELLO! A man was cooking me dinner and I flipped out because of a few drops of grease on the stove? AND the trashcan had been emptied. I should have been breaking out into song. Then, I got so angry at Dallas fans talking junk about the Redskins losing on Facebook that I actually DEFRIENDED them! I mean full-fledged, went to their page, and hit "unfriend". Like 6 of them. So many people email me and tell me about their own period/miscarriage experiences but this time, I'd really like to hear about other peoples' PMS and irritabilitiy issues. Just so I know I'm not alone out there. (The dryer buzzer has been going off for like 10 minutes now and I have unflattering thoughts of going in there and ripping it out of the wall and tossing the whole thing in the backyard. And I should be able to, since I'm the size of an elephant, according to my students. HA!)

 

Flo should be here on Tuesday and my nightstand is loaded down with charts and my trusty thermometer. Until then, pray that I learn how to loosen my hips and break it down in Zumba. Pray that I stop referring to people as "Jesusy". Most importantly, pray for the people who have to be around me until Aunt Flo's arrival this week. Especially the ones who talk smack about the Redskins to my face, because unfortunately, people in real-life don't have "unfriend" or "hide from news feed" buttons.

Rolling 6's

Today was about as postive as postive can get! I usually work myself into knots before going into a potentially stressful situation, yet this time, I didn't really get nervous until about 15 minutes before my appointment. If I honestly thought I was going to get bad news today, I knew I would have gotten signs or would've had bad vibes. Fortunately, the only worrying I had was right before we went into the hospital and it went something like, "Oh my God. I forgot to paint my toenails last night and my feet are going to be stuck up in the air with everybody looking at them and turning green from disgust." You know what I'm talking about. Winter toenails and legs are gross. I paint my toes in the winter sparingly and my poor legs only get shaven like once a week. Don't judge me. You know you are checking your peach-fuzz calves right now.

I made Mike stop at a Dollar Tree down the street from the hospital so I could buy socks. I had on flats today and needed a back-up plan. Miraculously, we were on time and could spare a quick side trip. Crisis averted.

In a nutshell, I am perfectly healthy. There is nothing wrong with me (that we know right now) that is preventing me from getting pregnant and most importantly, carrying full-term. I asked all the questions I was supposed to. There is no cyst on my ovaries--I just have a real 'mother' of a period so I have to deal with that once a month. The Rh factor has nothing to do with me keeping a pregnancy. Mike & I are both O-neg, so we are universally meant for each other ;) When I had surgery in 2005 to remove an ovarian cyst, there were no complications that would have caused anything to go wrong with future pregnancies. My ultrasound was perfect. My 'parts' are in perfect condition. My hips aren't lying; they are ready for "child-bearing".

I've heard much "flack" in recent months from my readers in regards to switching to another doctor. I'll admit, I had a bad seed planted in my brain after hearing that he could be more compassionate towards me. Yet, every time I have visited him since my first MC, he has been honest, open, and very understanding about my issues. I am a very proud wife that Mike goes in with me for these appointments. I don't make him, which is odd, considering it's like an act of Congress just to get him to take the empty roll of toilet paper off the dang holder when I need him to. When the good Dr. and I were reviewing my stats, Mike breaks in with "well, both times it has happened during the implantation period and we are just concerned about the formation of chromosomes being the problem". Cue my jaw-dropping look of "who. the. hell. are. you. and. where. is. my. husband?" My poor jaw surgeon would have keeled over and died during that very moment. And I would have joined him with my surprising 'Mr. OB-GYN Expert' spouse spitting out medical-hooplah like that.

We were reassured that this is still only the 2nd MC. Quite frankly, Dr. G says that most women would kill to have gotten pregnant as quickly as I did (each time!) Let's face it, twice in less than a year is awesome (not awesome that I lost them, but you get the point), considering many women try for months and months and years and years and have no success. He said that honestly, 2 is not uncommon. Even 3. He used the analogy: you can roll a dice and get two 6's in a row...it can certainly happen. Rolling 3, yeah, a little more uncommon. Rolling 4-5, that's a little excessive and definitely cause for concern. Until we get to that, there is absolutely nothing to be concerned about. He said if, and only if, we get past 3 or 4, that's when he'll refer me to a specialist to start testing sperm and yada yada yada.

I left the office with a Basal thermometer (something I've been against doing because I don't want to add anymore stress on this situation than there already is) and a Rx for sex. Lots of it. No more than once in a 24-hour time period but more than once in a 48-time period. (I think I got that right, basically, every other day during my ovulation time). I also have to lay with my legs thrown up in the air for 20 minutes after. (And yes, it was KILLING me to keep a straight face while I had that conversation with my 50-some year old doctor who has salt & pepper hair and a mustache very much like Frankie Tanner. It's true: I often have the metality & immaturity of my 5th graders). My next appointment is set for the first of April but he is positive I will see him before then. As soon as I see a steady spike in my temperature and I am 5 days late, I should take a test. If it's positive, I am to call him immediately and I will go in. If he sees what he needs to see, I will be visiting him every 7-10 days during the first trimester to make sure things are going like they should. Gah! So much work to do! 

I have a poster in my classroom that I bought before my first year of teaching. It says, "Great things are worth the work". It's very meaningful to me and obvi it applies to so many other aspects in (my) life than just "hey kid, do your work so you can pass". We've got our game-faces on now and I don't know about Mike, but I'm surely ready for the work! Until next time...